Just the thing to give Crazy 21st Century Moms Fits!

Yep, way back in 1967, comic books had ads for all sorts of great stuff! The Johnson Smith Company hawked everything from a life sized cutout of Frankenstein’s Monster, plans to build your own amazing robot, and my personal favorite, the X-Ray Specs!

Yep, much of this stuff would cause the usual suspects in today’s political scene to have a stroke! X-Ray Specs? So Junior can try and sneak a prurient peek at his buxom neighbor in her undies, or less? That’s sexual harassment in 2007! And the product of a patriarchal system designed to keep women subjugated for 1000s of years!

Well, that’s the song the usual suspects have been singing for a few decades now. And no matter what, they still find something to be crabby about! So this legion if misfit moms did their duty – create a generation (or two) of utterly sissified males, scared of their own shadows, and most alarmingly frightened by and of the women in their lives.

The truth is, Junior would benefit greatly from those X-Ray Specs! He’s supposed to wonder what that sexy neighbor looks like in the raw – gives him something to look forward to when he grows up! It’s high time the pushy & holier than thou Moms of the 21st Century just take a backseat and encourage some rascally behavior in their sons. The fate of the free world could depend on it!

Indeed, you won’t find a bigger collection of misfits and antisocial twerps than at the local mall, and we have our modern era of Moms to thank for it. Regardless of their intentions, the social damage is crystal clear: a generation of weakling, snarky, slacker males.

So that brings us to our first installment of Greatest Comic Back Covers, the back cover of Batman #194:

Batman #194 Back Cover

 

That’s right, Mommy! Get Junior a brand new Mattel M-16 Marauder so he can practice killing VC and other assorted enemies of freedom! What’s that? You just exhaled loudly, rolled your eyes, and announced that don’t believe in guns? I have news for you, sister – guns don’t believe in you! The reality of a gun doesn’t hinge on your narcissistic beliefs! The guns are real whether you believe in them or not, and whether you like them or not.

And don’t let your exaggerated sense of self importance make you look past the fact that this is just a toy gun, after all. Nobody’s going to get hurt!

Back in a saner time, a boy was encouraged to play with a toy gun. Several generations were encouraged to play with toy guns, and they overwhelmingly turned out just fine. Can you look at the collection of slackers with backward baseball caps and sagging oversized jeans at your local mall and say the same?

I call ’em like I see ’em: Moms of all varieties (married, single, or divorced) just love to tell us what a hard time they have, how they work a tough day job and still manage to be a great mother. I’ve got news for you: most of you suck at mothering. Your kids are out of control, have no respect for anyone or anything, are as dull as a doorknob, hang out with miscreants, have terrible diets, and are poorly educated despite their strong self esteem.

Great mothers? You’re not even good mothers. You’re absentee mothers. You’re lousy mothers. Take a look at your children – they suck, and when you look at them, you may as well be looking in a mirror.

To be fair, most modern era dads suck too. After all, this descent happened on their watch.