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Intro

She thinks she is slim like a willow,
She's just skinny and bony and tall.
If she hadn't been blessed with two warts on her chest,
She'd have no figure at all.
She'd like to please all the men, but she's so terribly thin,
There is hardly enough to go 'round.
Once she swallowed a whole pickled onion,
And 24 fellas left town.

Chorus
But oh, Zandoona,
I'm longing to make you my own,
And then I'll know Zandoona
A happiness I've never known.

Her flashing dark eyes are so jealous,
The left one keeps watching the right,
And those teeth that I love are like the stars up above
Because they come out every night.
Oh, my girl is one in a million,
Often have you heard that said,
But she is not one in a million,
She looks like she's won in a raffle instead.

[chorus]

An oilman from Texas once tried to impress
This shy and this sensitive waif,
He said, "I've so many gold teeth
That I sleep every night with my head in a safe."
He said, "There's 400 quid if you'll come with me, kid, to my flat."
It was most unexpected,
But she didn't fret, and she wasn't upset,
She just kept cool and calm and collected.

[chorus]

Tongue-tied, I sat with Zandoona
While licking its paws was the cat,
I nervously stammered, "Zandoona,
I'd like to see you do that."
And suddenly, my Zandoona
Slapped my face, and she left me because
By the time I had said what I wanted to say,
The cat wasn't licking its paws.

Oh, marry me, Zandoona
And we'll live in old Monterey,
But don't make it too late, 'cause tomorrow at 8,
They're going to take me away.
Olé!